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Just say something

A couple of weeks ago, I got to spend some time away from home. My father unexpectedly died. My wife and I went to be with my family in Boise, Idaho. After the first week, I wanted to stick around my family for an additional week. My wife returned to sunny warm Arizona. I stayed in cold, mostly cloudy Idaho (complete with some snow and nighttime highs in the 20’s…)


I am in the latter half of training for a ½ IronMan in early May, followed by a full IronMan in late June. Two weeks of non-training wasn’t a good option after months of preparation. I didn't bring my tri-bike because I was going to rent one. No bike shops had them since it was the off-season - which does not exist in Arizona. A naive desert rat I am... Since I had to swim, bike and run, I decided to do them all at a local YMCA and signed up for a temporary membership.


Toward the end of my two weeks, I had to do yet another exciting stationary bike ride for 1.5 hours. I hunkered down with a row of treadmills directly in front of me. Shortly after I started, a guy settled into the treadmill in front of me. At first, I thought he was a walker and not a runner. I wasn't being judgy, he was actually walking on the treadmill. After he warmed up, he ran and ran and ran. He ran 45 minutes of my 1.5 hours. I thought he was probably an endurance runner because of his running form (I was being a little judgy then - but in a good way) and because of how long he ran.

He got off the treadmill and walked right in front of me on his way to get the sterilizing liquid and hand towels to wipe down his machine. I was going to ask him if he was an endurance runner, but as he walked passed me, he had a stern look on his face - which is usual for guys in the gym. I decided I would pass on saying hi.


But then I thought I would practice what I preach about reaching out to people and that everyone is always waiting for someone else to go first. So I took the risk and asked him if he was an endurance runner.


His face totally changed along with his aloof, gym-man demeanor. He smiled and said he wasn’t sure if he would call himself that. I commented on his running form and asked him if he did triathlons. He did! He seemed excited that I asked. We ended up having an enjoyable 10 minute conversation about triathlons. He had even done the same ½ Ironman course I have done more than once in Arizona. It was a really pleasant conversation that not only broke up my time, but could have been the beginning of a friendship had I lived there.


Here’s the point of this story: Say something. Make some new friends. You never know where it might lead. His gym-face and demeanor almost prevented me from saying anything to him. In the long run (see what I did there?), it didn't become more than a pleasant monotony-breaking conversation and a fun experiment that provided me with something to write about.


Here’s a second point: In your existing friendships, Take it a step further. Someone has to go first to talk about things besides sports and the weather which can both be pretty boring in Arizona. Just like I asked him about his running, you can ask your friend about his marriage or job by asking more innocuous questions like, “What is the most challenging thing about your job right now?” or, “What did you do this week that really made your wife happy?” Those are gateway questions that can provide fodder for your friend to off-load some things and you can lend him your ear. You don’t have to have any solutions or advice. You might even reciprocate and chime in about your own too.


So, take a conversational risk with a new friend and with an old one. It’ll probably pay-off!




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